The One About The Green-Eyed Monster

Have you ever felt invincible? Like something is definitely not going to happen to you, you alone? Yes, no, maybe? Well, that’s the way I felt about the green-eyed monster, aka jealousy within a relationship. I always felt that it was well reserved for soap operas of Latin American origin and people with too much free time in their hands. The kind of time one needs to go through emails, instant messages and phone calls – it sounds super easy and time-sparing when you consider that our ancestors had to secretly open letters using steam, right? Thank God 19th is over. The kind of time one needs to have deprecating thoughts regarding inadequacy and consider all the cheating possibilities of its significant other. The kind of time one needs to make voodoo dolls for all of them and have huge, loud fights.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not there yet and I hope I’ll never end up there, but I’m starting to sense its disastrous power.  That’s why I decided to dedicate this post to three possible ways to address the subject (oh, the magic power of the number three!):
1.       Go bananas about it and do everything I mentioned above. It will be the most effective break-up way in the history of break-ups. I wonder if Kate Hudson tried it in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
2.      Go bananas about it and decide to make your significant other as jealous as you are. Do you remember what you did to get them when you first met them? Yes? Good. Now try everything on that list on someone else, preferably in front of them. This also consists an extremely effective way to end a relationship in zero time.
3.      Go bananas about it … and then calm down and think rationally. Ask yourself, what am I gaining from this situation? Apart from the fact that it is tearing my self-esteem, happiness and most likely my relationship apart? When you look at it that way, you’re not going to miss out too much fun, if you stop being jealous (no place for FOMO here).

Easier said than done right? Recently I had a revelation and realized that there’s space for jealousy even in the most solid relationships. Even in the phenomenally strong and slightly indifferent men and women around me. No one’s invincible, but this doesn’t mean we have to succumb.  So I couldn’t help but wonder… Does jealousy imply interest? Possessiveness? Imbalance within the relationship? But most importantly… what can we make out of it?

Thoughts?

F.


PS: Facebook anyone? Tweet me maybe?

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0 Comments

  1. Hey you!
    Great post. I definitely do understand you. I'm not one of the jealous kind and I also have never had a reason to be jealous. But there are certain times (or names) that come up once in a while in my relationship, that make me feel the little sting (that I know has absolutely no right to exist).
    What I do about it? Pretty much what you said in 3. Go bananas in my head and then calm down.

    I have to say I do not like jealousy at all. I think it is unnecessary and toxic. But I also think that there is not one person on the whole world who is never, even a bit jealous.
    In my opinion jealousy is a product of two things: affection and personal insecurity. You like somebody a lot, you enjoy the relationship, it makes you feel good and safe and then sometimes you transfer your insecurities into your relationship and…. tada… up rise the questions.
    And even if you are a overall confident person, there are always times of insecurity.

    At least that is what I think 😉

  2. Of course I am talking about nice, responsible, healthy relationships, where there is no good reason to be jealous.
    Not the… other… ones, where one or both partners give obvious reasons to go bananas!

  3. Hi!
    Thanks a lot for your comment, it was definitely interesting feedback. I also think that jealousy is an unecessary and toxic emotion, but it's also an underestimated emotion – you've never thought that you could be jealous, but somehow it happens at some point. In addition, I couldn't agree more about the two "ingredients" of jealousy, both can make us so vulnerable.
    The only positive aspect I can see in jealousy is that when it comes from both sides of a relationship (and is of course kept at a relatively healthy level), it can be a sign that two people are still tremendously interested in each other (it's the optimist in me, trying to see the good in every bad situation, I guess).
    I'd love to hear again from you, you have some very interesting views!
    xoxo

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