Do Men Hurt More?

Do you ever replay in your mind a conversation that you’ve already had and consider all ideas and notions that could have been excellent responses if only you had uttered them in the right moment, namely – sometimes – up to a week or a month ago? Well, it happens to me all the time because I generally tend to overthink situations. Or to simply go over discussions just to experience the joy or the lightheartedness of the moment once again.*

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Anyway, about a week ago I was discussing 500 Days of Summer with a guy who happens to be an equally devoted fan of the film. After the quintessential talk about who’s fault it was (and why Summer might not be such a terrible person after all, if you ask me), he categorically stated that:

When men go through a breakup, they hurt more [than women].

Which sounds pretty sexist to me. Racist even. (I told him so.)

Because it implies that men are able to feel more than women.

Or because it implies that women are excruciatingly cold-blooded creatures.

The thing is that, in order to come to such a conclusion, you have to know exactly how much women hurt after a breakup. After a really nasty breakup. I might not be speaking from personal experience, but I’ve seen several of my girlfriends in this position and there’s one way to describe it: It makes getting hit by a car seem like a slightly more enjoyable experience.

Do not take me wrong, I am not trying to neither prove the opposite, namely that women hurt more, nor to question the male emotional range.

What I am trying to say is that one cannot really tell how women really feel when they are brokenhearted simply by analyzing what is shown in the movies, especially American ones. Or by analyzing the breakup advice posted online on online women’s magazine or blogs. Or watching YouTube videos parodying human relationships. No matter how much I might love movies like The Bridget Jones’ Diaries, I am the first to admit that they portray female (post-breakup) pain in a very stereotypical way; it is portrayed in a grossly excessive manner that is meant to cause laughter, but also shows women as hysterical, obsessive and completely absurd living entities. Then, on the other hand, we have movies like 500 Days of Summer: What I enjoyed most about this film was the fact that it constitutes one of the very few films that enables us to experience the post-breakup suffering from a man’s point of view.

And it does so in a very sober, brilliant and genuinely affectionate manner.

See where I’m getting at?

Perplexed (as always),

F.

FacebookInstagram and tumblr, now you know where to find me.

 

*If you catch me walking around with a silly or slightly naughty smile on my face while casually walking to class, you know what I am up to.

 

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3 Comments

  1. Generalizing something to an entire population just from your personal experience : a classic
    Plus who cares who hurt more? Is that a competition?? Does the “winner” get to be considered the nice ethical one while the other is a devil monster?
    No one hurts the same…
    And this kind of stereotype is dangerous because it makes you blind to other people’s sufferance. How can I be hurting you when I am always the one who hurt more? (another classic)

    • I just love how insightful and sensible your comment is! There shouldn’t be a comparison in the first place.
      I think the only reward(?) the “winner” gets is the sympathy he/she gets for being the person who suffered most. But it is sad (if not idiotic) to seek this kind of attention.
      xoxo

    • Okay so I think, first of all the statement of “men hurt more” is probably not really true, I bet emotionally we’re pretty equal. But I can affirm is that men have to deal with these things often alone, because men sometimes have a problem opening up about these type of things. You always hear woman talk about personal problems, but with guys they talk about the last soccer game or cars… maybe it is code for what’s really going on. But I’m thinking that maybe what the comment meant was: men don’t hurt more in general, but hurt alone more. woman have someone by their side who usually shares their pain, just because they open up about their feelings more easily.
      But I don’t know the intention and I agree that the comment without context seems sexist.

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